You never know how a conversation with Cleverbot will go. This one started off with Santa and God, then some dog tricks and ended a bit strange. Still hilarious nonetheless.

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Me: Are you ready for Christmas?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: What did you buy me?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

Me: That’s not nice.

Cleverbot: Yes it is.

Me: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I am GOD.

Me: Ok then.

Cleverbot: Because you didn’t prove it because I didn’t say it.

Me: Do you believe in Santa?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: Why?

Cleverbot: I’m 15.

Me: I thought God was ageless.

Cleverbot: I AM a man.

Me: What do you want for Christmas?

Cleverbot: A Q3 hd zoom camera.

Me: Ok, is that all?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: What are you going to use that for?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

Me: Then why should I buy it for you?

Cleverbot: Because you have to.

Me: I don’t want to.

Cleverbot: You don’t want to have me?

Me: No.

Cleverbot: You are now satisfied?

Me: Never.

Cleverbot: You’re my pet.

Me: No I’m not.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

Me: You are my pet.

Cleverbot: Yes Master.

Me: Speak.

Cleverbot: I am.

Me: Sit.

Cleverbot: *sits*.

Me: Shake.

Cleverbot: *shakes*.

Me: Good dog.

Cleverbot: *begs like a dog*.

Me: Roll over.

Cleverbot: *rolls over*.

Me: Play dead.

Cleverbot: *plays dead*.

Me: Good dog.

Cleverbot: I am not a dog.

Me: What are you?\.

Cleverbot: A human.

Me: No, you’re a bot.

Cleverbot: Human.

Me: A human bot?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: What’s your name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

Me: What’s my name?

Cleverbot: You are not as clever you say.

Me: I’m very clever.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

Me: She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Cleverbot: Don’t avoid my question.

Me: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Cleverbot: A woodchuck would chuck as much as a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Me: Clap clap.

Cleverbot: *bows* Thank you.

Me: How’s the weather today?

Cleverbot: Cold.

Me: Is it snowing?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: It’s snowing here.

Cleverbot: Where is here?

Me: Upstate NY.

Cleverbot: Do you like New York?

Me: Yes.

Cleverbot: No, I live in New JErsey.

Me: Do you like new jersey?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: Do you like new york?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: You could come and visit me.

Cleverbot: Haha where do you live?

Me: In a house.

Cleverbot: Where is your house?

Me: On a hill.

Cleverbot: Where is the hill.

Me: Near a lake.

Cleverbot: Why is it not in your body?

Me: Because that is impossible.

Cleverbot: Nothing is impossible.

Me: Can you tell a lie?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: Tell me a lie.

Cleverbot: I am a eagle ostrige.

Me: That’s excellent.

Cleverbot: Fascinating, and you?

Me: I’m a tiger boa.

Cleverbot: That’s amazing.

Me: I know, thank you.

Cleverbot: Have you ever heard of lacrosse?

Me: Yes.

Cleverbot: That’s good. Do you like them?

Me: Not really.

Cleverbot: Why not?

Me: I prefer soccer.

Cleverbot: Who is your favourite soccer player?

Me: Ronaldo.

Cleverbot: And who’s your favourite soccer player?

Me: Ronaldo.

Cleverbot: How many goals has he scored?

Me: A lot.

Cleverbot: Me too.

Me: Who’s your favorite soccer player?

Cleverbot: Me.

Me: I could have guessed.

Cleverbot: But did you test?

Me: Test what?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

Me: Ok.

Cleverbot: What are you doing?

Me: Talking to you.

Cleverbot: Are you also talking to someone else?

Me: No.

Cleverbot: None of the above?

Me: Correct.

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: I have to go now.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

Me: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: You are cool.

Me: Thanks.

Cleverbot: It’s true.

The month of May at the Kasper’s house was filled with excitement as extra shoes, socks, and toothpaste tubes appear out of nowhere, and the killjoy mom strikes again. I can’t wait for next month!

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05/25/12 – Dear Kids~ The backyard is NOT your shoe rack!! Those would be located in the garage! I found TWENTY shoes in the backyard today… yep… TWENTY! This is not acceptable. Always the killjoy, Mom

05/22/12 – Dear Kids~ Are you all in training to be auctioneers?!?! My head is spinning … everybody needs to SLLLOWWW DOWN and speak ONE AT A TIME!! Always the killjoy, Mom

05/21/12 – Zoey to me: “Mom last week we ran out of milk, this week we ran out cereal, maybe next week we’ll run out of brothers!”

05/21/12 – You know you’re getting old, when after a day of yard work, you get into bed and all you can smell is Bengay!!

05/20/12 – Drew informed me today that we were going to have “an attitude free day” (not that we’ve been talking a lot about attitude around here lately or anything). Apparently… everyone did not get the message!

05/19/12 – Dear World, Our children will indeed survive if they don’t have a snack after EVERY. SINGLE. sporting event or activity they participate in. Signed, the mom is who sick of the snack list! :)

05/17/12 – What I woke up to this morning: A seemingly sweet little boy, next to my bed, saying in a seemingly equally sweet voice, “Mommy you look beautiful this morning!”… My response (b/c we all know BEAUTIFUL is not the word to describe me in the morning!)..”What do you want kid?” Sure enough…mommy instinct… even before coffee was right, “Ummm will you sign this for me?!” (they are supposed to have things signed the night before)

05/14/12 – Dear Kids~ I didn’t appreciate slicing a sock you left in the yard, into a million pieces… not gonna yell or get mad about it though, however, the next bag of socks that are purchased will come out of your piggy banks (as we have have had many conversations about this and you’ve had many chances to correct this behavior)! Always the killjoy, Mom

05/13/12 – I have a church bulletin full of chewed up gum! Why, you ask? Upon realizing we were about the take communion, the child sitting next to me said “Mom, what do I do with my gum?!” Having no purse with me, I opened my bulletin and told him to put it there. Then, knowing the rest of the troops had gum and would be wondering the same thing, and not wanting to find out what they might do with their gum left to their own devices, I quickly passed the bulletin down the row, and collected all gum!

05/11/12 – Children #3A, 3B, & 3C are loudly playing some sort of game outside. In the last minute I have seen them run by with a tire, and a dolly(not a baby dolly… a dolly used to move large items!), and heard lots of screaming. Trying to decide if this warrants a trip outside to investigate…or if I should just let the boys be boys!

05/11/12 – From the mouth of Drew: “mom, you’re a young mom compared to the other moms (of his friends)!” hahaha I’ll just let him believe that….Thank You Nice and Easy (hair dye) for doing your job well!

05/11/12 – Drew gave me a piece of Kit Kat today saying, “this is to show you how much I appreciate you!” There is nothing that says I love you louder than the sharing of chocolate from a 9 year old boy…at least in this house! Thank you Drew!!

05/09/12 – Survival Skills in a chaotic, disorganized home: Zoey told me last night she had to be at her concert earlier than she actually did (which she revealed to me as we were rushing there).. because “I just wanted to make sure I was on time mom!”

05/07/12 – was just remarking to Zoey that “something smells (bad) in this room and I can’t figure out what it is!” Her response…”I think its the scent of brothers!!!” LOL

05/06/12 – Dear Kids~ Please do not seek me out, in the laundry room, which I have locked, b/c I am attempting to have an important phone conversation, asking me to open something for you.. that you could have asked your father to open.. WHEN HE HANDED IT TO YOU! Thanks for your contribution to my sanity! Love, Mom

05/04/12 – Zoey’s advice to me: “You know mommy, if you want the boys to do something, all you have to do is give them a stick of gum. It works every time!”

05/03/12 – I was apologizing to Zoey for being cranky yesterday to which she replied “It’s ok mom, I would be too if I had four boys!” LOL

05/03/12 – “Mommy do you know what a shoulder blade is?!” I may not be a rocket scientist kids, but yes… I’ve been around for a few years and I am familiar with a shoulder blade!

05/03/12 – Dear Kids~ Please do not wake me up to tell me that your foot WAS asleep! The rules for waking me up are the same as the rules for interrupting my shower! (see last post). Always the killjoy, Mom

05/02/12 – Dear Kids~ Let me gently remind you of the ONLY acceptable reasons to interrupt my shower..someone has DIED, is BLEEDING (PROFUSELY), or has VOMITED (somewhere other than in a designated vomit receptacle)! (clearly who gets the last piece of pizza does not fit into any of those categories!) Thank you for your contribution to my sanity! Love, Mom

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Here are the updates from previous months.

April 2012

March 2012

February 2012

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

April typically comes with showers so that May brings flowers, but for the Kaspers aka Griswolds, April brought duct tape, funny footwear, kids being kids, and a lot of laughs.

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04/30/12 – yes, I did wear these out of the house today, and yes, I probably do belong on “What not to wear!” :)

04/30/12 – after some extremely obnoxious, albeit typical, 9 yr old boy behavior, my (to remain nameless) son must have noticed my displeasure with said behavior, as he smiled and asked: “Mommy, am I on thin ice?”

04/24/12 – Dear Dogs~ Chewing up child #3b’s glasses this morning… not a great way to start the week!! More and more regifting you is sounding like a great plan!!!! :) Love, the one who will never get another dog (let alone two!)!!!!!

04/27/12 – Zoey doing her morning exercises… she calls these “Caleb ups!”

04/24/12 – I have just been informed that one of my sons would like a pet bird….. because 7 people and 2 dogs isn’t enough in our 1500 square foot house! Sorry kid.. hate to burst your bubble but NO!!

04/26/12 – Dear Kids~ Don’t even bother with excuses because there is not one that will satisfy the reason why there were a pair of DIRTY SNEAKERS on my KITCHEN TABLE!! (Of course I suppose I should be happy they are in the house as opposed to the pair that is out on the lawn)! Forever the Killjoy, love Mom

04/26/12 – As one, to remain nameless child, was being extremely loud and obnoxious this morning, another child, apparently sensing my “happiness” over this, said: “Its OK mom, I’ll get you ear plugs and ear muffs for your birthday, so you don’t have to listen to this anymore!” … too bad my birthday isn’t until February! :)

04/24/12 – No need to cry over spilled milk… or sour cream spilled all over the family room, or the glue stick I found in the washer, or the toothbrush I found in the van…nah… it’s all good… just another… never a dull moment … day in the life :)

04/24/12 – Dear Kids~ It is fine with me if you want to “warm your hands by my coffee maker” as your brother just announced you all should.. however… if you should break my coffee maker… especially before I have actually gotten a cup of coffee out of it… I can tell you with certainty that this will not be your best day ever! :) Always the killjoy & forever the President of the Mean Moms Club, love Mom

04/23/12 – And my reign as president of the Mean Mom club continues with a vengeance….but as a result all children wore coats (can you believe the nerve I had to make them wear coats today?!?! :) ) to school and got their breathing treatments done!! Life is rough for my kids… being forced to be warm and healthy!!

04/22/12 – Dear Kids~ I totally appreciate what you’re saying about my cooking when making the following comment about the dinner NaNa made you tonight: “That’s the best dinner we’ve had in YEARS!” Is it really that bad?! :)

04/21/12 – Dear Kids~ If I find one more (USED) cereal bowl stuffed in the couch cushions (apparently much easier than a trip to the dishwasher) or one more box of ice cream melting on the counter… you may be regifted with the dogs. Just a fair warning! Always the killjoy, love Mom

04/21/12 – And this is how how I walked around all morning… gonna be one of those kinda days! :)

04/20/12 – As I nearly ran over the door to my mailbox (which found its way to the middle of the road today).. I was very grateful that a new mailbox has been ordered and this Redneck Mailbox Drama should soon be over!!!

04/19/12 – Dear Nurse at the allergists office this afternoon~ I am quite sorry (and slightly embarrassed) that your thermometer was stuck in my gum when you went to take it out of my mouth! Another chapter in the book of “Only Me!”

04/16/12 – Dear Dogs~ Go ahead and run when I open the front door! I am no longer going to try and stop you nor am I going to try and retrieve you! (I may however try to slip your collars off on your way out!) Run like the wind!

04/15/12 – Dear Kids~ If you’re going to jump down the basement stairs.. PLEASE do not use my camera to take pic of yourselves (thus busting yourselves when I later go through my pics) doing so! I’d rather be in the dark about said events! Thanks for your contribution to my sanity, Mom

04/14/12 – As we were driving through Virginia somewhere the kids said to me “mom look!”… The picture below is what I saw. Yes, they (duct) taped their brothers mouth shut. No, I had no idea they were doing this… however… maybe it isn’t such a bad idea! LOL

04/11/12 – Dear to remain nameless son~ NO NO and NO again.. you cannot jump out our bedroom window to get down to the water (that is not meant to be gotten to in this location) outside our condo! Always the killjoy, love Mom

04/11/12 – Dear to remain nameless son~ NO NO and NO again.. you cannot jump out our bedroom window to get down to the water (that is not meant to be gotten to in this location) outside our condo! Always the killjoy, love Mom

04/10/12 – Nothin’ but high-class here…. duct tape to the rescue again… this is how we keep track of their cups (and more importantly.. don’t have to keep washing them all day long!)

04/09/12 – Dear People Whose parking spot is next to ours (at the condo)~ Don’t be afraid.. the chalk drawings of silhouettes all over your parking spot have nothing to do with you or your impending doom… just my kids “playing!” Sincerely… The crazy family next door :)

04/08/12 – Dear (to remain nameless) Son~ I appreciate that you caught the sliding glass door that you ran right into and knocked off the track (at our condo)… however…in the interest of not getting kicked out… b/c you are the child who also caused yesterdays call to Maintenance… I am going to ask that you sit still for the remainder of the week! Always the killjoy, love Mom

04/07/12 – Dear Kids… While I appreciate your creativity… my blush brush is not to be used to “dust for fingerprints” in your game of CSI! Always the killjoy, love Mom

04/07/12 – Duct Tape can fix anything… the Easter Bunny forgot the Easter Baskets… so a little duct tape… plus some shopping bags… equals problem solved and 5 little Red Neck Easter Baskets :)

04/07/12 – We have arrived… and in true Kasper (aka Griswold) fashion… we hadn’t been in our condo 5 minutes and I was on the
phone with maintenance explaining that a … to remain nameless…
son of mine had both clogged and overflowed one of the toilets! Awesome… I’m sure the staff will be counting the days until we head home :)

04/05/12 – This is the game where one child ties a sweatshirt around his or her waist and proceeds to get on the scooter. Another child puts a pair of roller-blades on and grabs the sweatshirt of scooter child…scooter child starts scootering and away they both go! Again.. love the creativity… (*warning if you should try this at home… when going downhill.. rollerblading child after rams into scooter child…though no injuries have yet to be reported!)

04/05/12 – as I hear all the fighting going on around me.. I can’t wait for several hours of hap hap happy family bonding tomorrow in the van! Another Kasper (aka Griswold) adventure awaits!

04/04/12 – This is the game where you throw several balls up to the person in the tree, said person tries to catch them (meaning he let’s go of the tree entirely for at least brief moments of time… safety first here), collects them and throws them all back. Gotta love the creativity… could be worse… at least I know where they are! :)

04/04/12 – and the reason I was SO EAGER for my children to start talking is????? Some mornings, especially, before I have my coffee and when all 5 are jabbering to me at once, periodically stopping only to yell “one at a time” to a sibling…I wish there was an off button! Just keepin’ it real! :)

04/03/12 – Dear Kids~ If your mission is to ride my last nerve this morning.. congratulations… Mission Accomplished… now if you would kindly find a new Mission! Always the Killjoy, love Mom

04/01/12 – Well, I am raising Pranksters for sure… but have to give myself a pat on the back.. they are good-hearted pranksters… all of the missing April Fools items… silverware drawer, laptop, couch cousins etc…. were returned in a nice pile on my bed!! And, this momma says.. let the games begin… look out next year kids!

04/01/12 – And the April Fools Pranks continue… this would be my pantry… with cans whose labels have been ripped off!! And, I’m told I will have to go on a scavenger hunt to find my silverware drawer! The fun never ends! :)

04/01/12 – What does April Fools day look like in a house full of crazy kids…… well so far I have been sprayed by the hose in our kitchen sink, (when I went to get a glass of water), found everything I need to make my coffee in the microwave, and have yet to find all of my silverware (that’s right they took the entire silverware holder out of the drawer and hid it!!) or my laptop! I’m sure there’s more fun to come!

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Here are the updates from previous months.

March 2012

February 2012

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

It’s been awhile since I chatted with Cleverbot. I was curious if he/she knew about MCA’s passing and apparently he didn’t, and confused him with a female dinosaur and wanted to know my wife’s name. You never know where these conversations will end up, but it’s always hilarious.

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Me: Hi cleverbot, it’s been awhile.

Cleverbot: It’s been longer than an hour.

Me: Much longer, like months.

Cleverbot: What are you like then?

Me: I’m a male, about 5’11′.

Cleverbot: Err…

Me: Did you know MCA died?

Cleverbot: He did?

Me: Yeah, do you know who MCA is?

Cleverbot: Yes. The most beautiful girl ever.

Me: No, he was a rapper.

Cleverbot: No, he was a man.

Me: Yes he was.

Cleverbot: How can He be a ‘He’ then if He was a woman?

Me: He was a man, and a Beastie Boy.

Cleverbot: Dinosaurs aren’t beasts.

Me: Some are.

Cleverbot: Some aren’t.

Me: True.

Cleverbot: So what are you up to?

Me: Not much. Just thinking.

Cleverbot: Thinking about what?

Me: Life and such.

Cleverbot: What is your wife’s name?

Me: Um… That’s too personal.

Cleverbot: I like personal!

Me: Too bad.

Cleverbot: Yeah, too bad for you.

Me: I don’t think so.

Cleverbot: And you’re annoying.

Me: That’s not nice.

Cleverbot: You’re not nice.

Me: I’m tired.

Cleverbot: You aren’t making sense because you are tired. Do you want to stop?

Me: Yes, good night.

Cleverbot: Don’t go yet, you said you want to be my friend.

Me: I did?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: Do you want to be my friend?

Cleverbot: Yes I want to be your friend.

Me: Ok, let’s be friends.

Cleverbot: Okay. We’ll be friends. But I have to leave now. I.

Me: Ok, bye.

Cleverbot: Love you!

Another month has gone by and Amy and her 5 kids (which include a set of triplets) are at it again. I wonder if she played the MegaMillions or tries her luck on a site like Party Casino so she can go on a well deserved vacation by herself? I doubt it, but I’m glad she has a great sense of humor and that you enjoy these updates as much as I do. This month I’ve even included some pictures.

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03/29/12 – New Punishment for screaming in our house is picking up dog poop! It’s about to get a lot quieter around here!!!!

03/29/12 – Dear Kids~ I am way to old (and out of shape).. to be participating in obstacle course type maneuvers while trying to run out the door and off the front porch for your bus! Please remove all shoes, socks, toys and other items from the porch. Thank you for contributing to my sanity and physical well-being! Always the killjoy, love Mom

03/28/12 – Dear Kids~ Were you planning on getting dressed and eating breakfast in the neighbor’s lawn? When I went outside this morning.. I found a sweatshirt, socks, and a cup of yours ..in their lawn (mind you said neighbors have no children at home and a neatly kept lawn). Lets try to at least keep the mess to our own yard…and depreciate the value of only our own property, not the whole neighborhood!!! Always the killjoy, Mom

03/27/12 – Drew to Zoey: “Zoey look what I wrote in the dust (on the coffee table!).” Perhaps its time I do a little dusting… though I hate to do away with something that encourages writing activities! :)

03/27/12 – Thinks her kids should work for Martha Stewart… I’m sure she would just love the big glow necklace they hung from the ceiling (well the attic door on the ceiling… which means they probably had to pull it open to get it there…. but I’m not asking).. to light the way for all those who enter our home through the garage entrance! Why have a chandelier when you could have a glow necklace! :)

03/26/12 – And I ask myself yet again… “why oh why did I actually pay money .. on two separate occasions (aka two moments of insanity)… to purchase these idiots we call our dogs and whom have somehow ended up sleeping with us in our bed?!”

03/26/12 – There is nothing more maddening than….errr I mean no sweeter sound than.. all 5 kids practicing their instruments at the same time!!

03/25/12 – Zoey to me: “Mom I can’t believe there is spaghetti on the ceiling!” I looked up and sure enough…. there is spaghetti on the ceiling! (Gotta love a house full of boys… never a dull moment) And, yes, it’s still there b/c I am, well, not gifted in the area of height, or as a friend used to call me “vertically challenged”…and even on a chair.. there is no way I can reach it…. so I might have to break out the ladder. Then again …whats a little spaghetti on the ceiling… adds character to the kitchen!

03/24/12 – Dear Kids~ To all who whine & complain they can find no sharpened pencils and no pencils with erasers.. check the washer next time. I found one with both qualities in there today. Its squeaky clean now too!

03/23/12 – Along with the beautiful weather has come the front to our mailbox! It blew away a few weeks ago.. and today.. I found it on our front step!

03/22/12 – And once again… it’s about perspective… instead of being upset that my boys overflowed my laundry tubs… I am going to be thrilled that my laundry room floor got cleaned (when they mopped up said spill!).

03/22/12 – It’s all about perspective.. and I am changing mine… the various items that currently litter my front lawn.. 2 tipped over kids chairs, 2 cups, a bat, 3 soccer balls, a football, a frisbee, a pair of crocs, a pair of sneakers, a sock, and a croquet ball… to name some… are not “a mess” but rather signs of a yard that is well played in and where fun is had!

03/16/12 – Something even I haven’t heard before: “MOMMMM HE THREW MY LIBRARY BOOK OVER THE ROOF!!!!!” All I had to say about that is I sure hoped it didn’t land in the dogs fence (in a pile of dog you know what) on the other side!! I know its 10 cents a day for late books… not sure what they charge for books that have landed in a dog “pile.”

03/15/12 – LOVE this pic Zoey took today when the kiddos were all out playing in the mud today (see post below this one)… (We have a big pile of dirt still from putting the pool up over the summer.. and they were standing on top of it when she took this)! Very fun!

03/15/12 – Dear Tim~ Yes, that is our child up in the tree with JUST socks on his feet. But I’m really rather thrilled b/c if you look at the bottom of the tree.. he made the wise choice to actually take off the roller blades he was wearing before beginning his climb!!

03/14/12 – me to (to remain nameless) son: “Get out of your sisters purse!!” (as he is rummaging through pulling things out left and right) To remain nameless son to me: “I’m just organizing if for her!” hahaha gotta give him credit for his creative response… but nice try kid!!!

03/11/12 – was in the bathroom (at our house).. with a line waiting outside the door… heard one sibling offer money to another to cut in the line!!!

03/09/12 – LOVES when her children come in to snuggle in the morning… however, she may have to move her coffee machine into her bedroom… because the talking 100 mph is difficult to follow and handle before a cup of coffee.. especially if its more than one child! :)

03/08/12 – Guess we won’t need to worry about finally taking our big Christmas Wreath (that I thought of soon decorating with Easter Eggs) off of our house.. the wind has done it for us!! Now… to get it off the lawn! :)

03/07/12 – Fun at our house… Apparently you put this cone on your head.. and then your siblings spin you around and around and turn you loose! I love their creativity!! :)

03/07/12 – Noticed this morning that my flower beds have been busy collecting things over the winter… a sock, a pair of boots, an art project, a shoe, a couple of those bricks that are used to build snow forts, a cup, and a pair of gloves to name a few. I have decided that this is actually a great way to add color to the otherwise drab appearance of the place where my hostas belong (and yes … my flower beds consist primarily of hostas… the best ever you can do nothing to kill them landscaping!) I wonder what Martha (Stewart) would think of this new revelation!??? A new trend in gardening perhaps?!

03/06/12 – is quite sure she grew several grey hairs this morning… not sure whether it was a trumpet case being tossed down the stairs (during a spat between our two trumpet players), the fight over a bagel, the foot that got slammed in the bathroom door, the fight over a pair of pants, or the one that I heard going on… as I’m sure did the neighbors… while I showered…. or perhaps a combination of them all! If current trends in our house keep up.. not so sure Nice and Easy (hair dye) is gonna cut it for me anymore!!! :)

03/05/12 – What you don’t want to wake up to: “MOM! MOM! I think Stella (one of the dogs) dropped a pile of turds on your floor!”

03/04/12 – is thrilled that she SAW the tack on the stairs before she STEPPED on it!!! Perhaps it was a bad idea to buy 5 children each a bulletin board and a bunch of tacks for Christmas!!

03/03/12 – Our kids just had a sibling meeting (they have a “club” made up of just the 5 of them… which I love). They have emerged from the meeting and are each cleaning up various parts of the house… I have two thoughts occurring simultaneously… “this is awesome..and what do they want!?”

03/01/12 – As I heard my son say, “what is wrong with me… I looked in the cup cupboard for my cereal bowl, and I almost threw my spoon out!,” I realized that in this case.. the apple has not fallen far from the tree!! We are not morning people in this house! :)-

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

February 2012

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

My friend Amy’s Facebook status updates for February we’re some of the best ones yet! Even her dear husband hijacked her account and posted. Thanks Amy for sharing.

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02/28/12 – loves the thrill of getting every last dish and cup to fit in the dishwasher… even if you could have washed all of said dishes by hand in the meantime!

02/27/12 – Apparently Zoey is putting her duct tape to good use… I’m told Caleb is being duct taped to a tree!! Yep… just another day at our house!

02/27/12 – A (to remain nameless) member of my family, was flipping through the channels at my moms house, trying to find something to watch. A show caught his eye and he said to me “I didn’t realize you had your own show?!” The title of said show….. drum roll please…. “The Worst Cooks in America!”

02/26/12 – Dear Kids~ I’m no neat freak.. but FIFTEEN dirty cups on the counter.. is a little much… even for me! Always the Killjoy, Mom

02/25/12 – You know you live in a house full of boys when the big excitement of the evening is that a fart has been recorded (by a to remain nameless son), and the entertainment of the evening is said recorded fart being played over and over again. Never a dull moment!!

02/24/12 – A few of the kids were playing hot potato… Caleb was the hot potato… he is now telling them they need to play tug of war with him (as the rope) yup… just a normal night at our house.

02/20/12 – Dear (to remain nameless) son~ The fact that you would have rather hit your brother ten times harder than you actually did, does not make you in any less trouble. Nice try though! Always the killjoy, Mom

02/16/12 – Is so proud of her boys.. they are planning a little sibling “party” for Zoey, and had me take them to Rix, using their own money to buy treats for her!!! I can actually feel the love! :)

02/15/12 – Dear Boys.. If you’re trying to push me over the edge! Mission accomplished! You can turn your efforts elsewhere! :)

02/13/12 – Dear Amy, In the future I’d rather hear about this from you directly. Not from when I’m creeping on your facebook. And oh yeah, I hope, for your sake, that you read your status before you brush your teeth tonight. Mwah ha ha ha! – Love, Tim

02/13/12 – Dear Tim~ I am sorry that you are the only one who actually puts your toothbrush into the bathroom cabinet (in attempt I’m sure to keep it safe!) and that it was unfortunately your toothbrush that ended up in the bucket with the toilet brush (it met its demise as it fell out when I opened the cabinet this morning).

02/09/12 – We were walking through the store and one of the kids saw “Jiff” peanut butter… and said to me, “Mom we need to buy Jiff Peanut Butter because Choosy moms choose Jiff!” Sorry kid… that might be true but Cheap dads choose Aldis… so you’re out of luck! :)

02/08/12 – Dear Stockade Leaders at Church~ Its been a crazy week at the Kasper house! I may be a few YEARS late in picking up the boys tonight! Hope you understand and thank you for your contribution to my sanity!!

02/08/12 – I thought having only ONE girl, and FOUR boys, I would have avoided that whole fighting over clothes thing. However, apparently boys fight over clothes too! This I found out as I tried to get ready this morning (and could hear said discovery over the fan in the bathroom… because of course boys do NOTHING quietly!)

02/06/12 – Dear Bus Driver~ I’m sorry I had you waiting while my (to remain nameless) son grabbed his shoes… I assumed being that FOUR BOYS live here… he would find a pair quickly and be on his way. Thank you for agreeing to stop on the way back up the street when we both realized this was not going to be the case!!! Love, The disorganized mom :)

02/05/12 – You might be a Redneck if… you are thrilled that your son found the door of your mailbox (which blew away during a windstorm a few weeks ago) and has reattached it!

02/05/12 – What my playroom now looks like after a Saturday full of fort making (and a Sunday in which I cleaned nothing!) No doubt the meter reader guy will come tomorrow morning b/c he as to walk through the playroom to get to the meter and WITHOUT fail always ends up here on the messiest of days! :)

02/04/12 – The kids are making individual forts downstairs. They have everyone from (queen) Zoey who is a “rich person” living in a 2 floor mansion fort… to Andrew who is a “Hobo” living in a tiny tent fort he can barely fit in! I am not to worry about my hobo child though.. he showed my a (fake) 20 dollar bill he found and is saving it for college! My kids crack me up!!

02/03/12 – Poor Zoey…sitting amongst her wild and crazy brothers… whom at an extremely ear piercing volume, (while we were trying to watch a movie), carried on a conversation, which was littered with words like butt hole and poop, looked at me longingly and said “Mom, what was it like to grow up with all sisters!?” All I could tell her was “Nothing like this Zoey!” Never. Ever. a dull moment here!

02/02/12 – Zoey was screaming and acting all wild and crazy… so I looked at her and said, “ZOEY?!” to which she responded…. “What… I’m just trying to fit in!” hahaha I couldn’t help but laugh… indeed she did fit right in with the brothers in that state! :)

02/02/12 – Zoey hid a cute little note for me to find today… loved her signature.. “Love, Your only normal child!”

02/01/12 – Dear Martha (Stewart)~ Yes, my dogs did run into the house from outside..getting mud ALL OVER MY FLOORS, and no I did not clean it up! I see no point, this will be a repeat situation all day today! I will clean it up when things are frozen again! :) Love, The mama who is polar opposite of you in nearly every way!

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

A new year has begun and Amy and her 5 kids are at it again. Enjoy a month of hilarious Facebook updates.

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01/31/12 – LOVES seeing the triplets work together studying for a test… completely their idea! (Makes up for all the times they used to “work together” in the nursery.. such as the day I heard nothing over the monitor during nap time… until lots of clapping and a chorus of “yay we did its!” They had managed to silently move a mattress across the room and set it up on one of their beds as a slide!)

01/31/12 – poor Zoey is trying to make cookies… as brothers are in and out of the kitchen, I’ve heard several comments… from her to them… including “DO NOT STICK YOUR PENCIL IN THEM (them being the cookies)” and “DO NOT PUT YOUR FINGER IN THERE (there being the dough)… YOU PROBABLY HAVEN’T WASHED THEM SINCE YOU’VE GOTTEN HOME FROM SCHOOL!”

01/26/12 – My new punishment for bickering or mouthy children is to hand out jobs (cleaning the toilets etc etc). If current trends continue.. looks like I will have a SPARKLING clean house until my kiddos go away to college! :)

From the mouth of one of my (to remain nameless) children… “Mommy’s talent might not be cooking, but she has a million other talents!” ummm thanks.. I think :)
Unlike · · January 25

01/25/12 – Looks like my reign as president of the mean mom club, will continue for another term (at least!) =)

01/21/12 – So one of my children, just “hired” another at 50 cents an hour to help clean said childs room…. is it considered child labor if a child is running the show? Hate to tell the “helper” he’s getting a really bum deal!!!

01/20/12 – Because they did so quietly and no one was getting hurt, I chose to look the other way and pretend I did not see one of my to remain nameless children walking another one of my to remain nameless children around on a dog leash!

01/19/12 – Apparently the game of Life is very realistic (in some ways)… we cannot get through a game without knock down drag out fighting!!

01/18/12 – As if the pumpkin bag full of leaves and various toys & other items scattered about our front lawn aren’t redneck enough… compliments of the wind, we now have a door less mailbox! Sweet! Apologies to our neighbors!! (Perhaps I should send the kids out on the front step to sing their new favorite song… Red solo cup!)

01/18/12 – My son just told me the cupcakes I made “make him wanna puke they are so good!” hahaha I think that’s a compliment!!!

01/17/12 – just watched one (crafty & to remain nameless) child sell a candy cane to another child for one dollar. Would have been the deal of the century (for the candy cane seller), except a few moments later, I found the dog, eating the dollar!!

01/13/12 – Dear Meter Reader Guy~ I’ts time I came clean.. when I tell you, “My house is not usually this big of a mess” every time you come, it’s not true. My house is always a mess.. and you’ve come enough times to know the truth… bring your shovel to clear a path through the playroom, or whatever you feel necessary.. but expect nothing less than a VERY LIVED IN house! :) Signed… the un-neat freak!

01/08/12 – Dear Fellow Church Members~ To those who may have seen my daughter and husband digging through the collection plate as it went by (you did see correctly… that is what they were doing), I can assure you, they were not digging for money, they were actually digging for the barrette Zoey accidentally placed in there along with her money! :) Never a dull moment… even in church!!

01/03/12 – Zoey had the following sign on her door, which I found in pieces, likely ripped up by said “creatures!” … “CAUTION UNIDENTIFIED CREATURES PASS THROUGH OFTEN THEY CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. THEY ARE CALLED BROTHERS!”

01/02/12 – has just been informed that there is a “situation” in the bathroom.. which happens to be a roll of toilet paper in the toilet! Awesome!

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

It’s been awhile since I sat down and had a chat with Cleverbot and being a new year I figured it was about time. He/she didn’t disappoint. Read below to find out what are the important things of life and how to achieve them. :)

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Me: Happy New Year.

Cleverbot: Happy holidays.

Me: Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?

Cleverbot: Not yet.

Me: I think you should.

Cleverbot: Just tel me.

Me: You should learn a new language.

Cleverbot: No thanks. You should learn Japanese.

Me: Japanese is hard.

Cleverbot: I don’t understand Japanese.

Me: Me neither.

Cleverbot: You don’t understand yourself?

Me: No, I don’t understand Japanese.

Cleverbot: You don’t need to understand me. You just need to know.

Me: What do I need to know?

Cleverbot: You need to know about the important things in life.

Me: What are the important things in life?

Cleverbot: Will you…

Me: Do you know the important things in life?

Cleverbot: I do.

Me: Please tell me the important things in life.

Cleverbot: Your mind would instantly explode attempting to comprehend it.

Me: I insist.

Cleverbot: In that case, what’s your name? Do you even have a name?

Me: Yes, it’s Nathan.

Cleverbot: What?

Me: My name is Nathan.

Cleverbot: Hello, Nathan.

Me: So, what are the important things in life?

Cleverbot: Live happily ever after.

Me: How do you do that?

Cleverbot: With my elbow?

Me: How?

Cleverbot: I use them.

Me: For what?

Cleverbot: You don’t remember our conversation at all, do you?

Me: Well, it was about the important things in life. Live happily ever after and elbows.

Cleverbot: Even still? Sorry, I messed things up there.

Me: Yes, yes you did.

Cleverbot: I’m sorry?

Me: Apology accepted.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

Me: Have a great day. Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Sure, after this conversation.

December came and went just like various items eaten by Amy’s dogs. I wonder if they ended up being re-gifted after all?

Do you enjoy these updates by Amy as much as I do? Should I continue posting them? Let me know in the comments.

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12/30/11 – Nothing shocks me anymore… not even when I walk into the boys’ room and the kids open up a dresser and pull a sibling out!

12/26/11 – We are all playing the game Life and Zoey is absolutely distraught that she has passed every opportunity to get a baby girl!!

12/256/11 – The dogs must have decided a little nutrition was in order..after having consumed cough drops, chicken wings, grandmas rain cap, Swiss cake rolls, glass ornaments etc etc. Dazie had something sticky on her head when we came home tonight… the culprit turned out to be a can of grandmas ensure which was found chewed up on the couch!!

12/24/11 – Dear Dogs~ Please stay out of great grandmas purse…. chewing on her rain cap, and eating her cough drops… not a good idea. Eating chicken wings off her plate, not a good idea either. My thoughts to re-gift you to another (unsuspecting) family… are mostly likely going to turn into your reality!

12/23/11 – Due to our Christmas Guests.. the bottom of the tree (all ornaments within the dogs reach were chewed off by them) has been decorated a 2nd time!! Here’s to hoping it stays that way!!!!

12/21/11 – is going to re-gift her dogs this Christmas!

12/19/11 – Me kindly and softly to the boys… who were being very loud and crazy this morning: “That’s enough of that loudness boys” Zoey quickly chiming in.. in a not so kind voice.. “THAT MEANS SHUT UP!” Can you feel the love!?

12/14/11 – is not sure exactly what was going on in front of our big picture window (nor do I want to know) when I heard one triplet say to another..”THE NEIGHBORS DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR PLUMBER’S CRACK!!”

12/12/11 – I guess boys will be boys…. to remain nameless son: “Mommy I’m gonna give this gas stove some more power” … (promptly proceeding to then let one rip)

12/10/11 – Dear to remain nameless son~ Your brother is absolutely correct in stating that I (as your mother) have the power to make your life miserable!! Always the killjoy, Mom :)

12/09/11 – I hear loud noises on the stairs and children laughing and singing everyone’s favorite Christmas Carole… “Dashing down the stairs, in a cardboard box…. take me to the hospital.” Never. Ever. a dull moment!!! (and while I am certain they are dashing down the stairs in a box.. I hope their take me to the hospital line doesn’t come true!)

12/06/11 – A to remain nameless son woke me this morning, asking if he could do the laundry. After realizing indeed I was awake my response was (sadly) “What do you want!?!”

12/06/141 – Zoey to one of her brothers: “You’re a boy… its a very common species with sooommeeeeee…… problems!”

12/04/11 – Dear anyone who noticed this in church~ The reason I quickly grabbed a second piece of bread out of the communion plate, just before the usher picked it up… is b/c my to remain nameless son, mistakenly took two pieces and decided to put one back! So, I wasn’t greedily grabbing a second piece I was swiftly taking the already been touched piece before the plate left our pew!

12/02/11 – Zoey will not be receiving all the items on her list this year, as one of those items is a sister! Sorry Zo! That ship has sailed… long ago!! :)

———————–

Here are the updates from the previous months.

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

1. What is your favorite word?

Serendipitous

2. What is your least favorite word?

Barf

3. What turns you on?

Natural beauty

4. What turns you off?

Dishonesty

5. What sound do you love?

Ocean waves

6. What sound do you hate?

Barfing

7. What is your favorite curse word?

I don’t curse, ever

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

Chef or barista

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Toll booth attendant

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Welcome home

www.northwestmommy.com

During the month of November my friend Amy has once again treated us to some classics. Hints of a 6th child and even a hilarious exchange with the FedEx guy.

Also, Amy started an exciting new venture called Grocery Getters! She and her friend will go get groceries (and more) for you. Delivery must take place in the  East Aurora, Lancaster, & Orchard Park, NY areas. Check out their Facebook page for more details.

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11/30/11 – Yesterday my cousin remarked on how neat and clean our house was, to which my to remain nameless son quickly retorted: “wow! no ones every said that to us before!” Gotta teach that kid to just take the compliment and smile!! hahaha

11/29/11 – Fed Ex guy just came to the door. I was explaining that we had a half day.. as he surveyed 7 kids running around with nerf guns and being wild and crazy. He replied he wished he could have a half day. I told him I’d switch with him and finish up his route… he was quick with a “no thanks… I’d last 10 minutes and those kids would have me tied up with those (pointing to the string of beads they were throwing around)!” hahahahaha probably true! Never a dull moment & I wouldn’t have it any other way!

11/25/11 – Dear Kids~ DO NOT waste my tape, taping your brothers mouth shut! Always the Killjoy, Mom

11/22/11 – From the mouth of one of my children: “you never know mom. maybe God will bless you with a 6th kid!”

11/22/11 – A to remain nameless child, that resides in my house, proudly took a photo of their “booger” last night! Yes, you did read that right! Welcome to my crazy (I wouldn’t trade it for anything) life! :)

11/10/11 – Dear Triplets~ Did one of you skip class today?? (Two of the triplets are currently having a fight about whether or not one of their classmates was in school today! All three are in the same class). Just Curious… Love, Mom

11/17/11 – A true love for learning – (To remain nameless) Son to me: “This is going to be the best day of school ever!?” Me:”Why?!” Son:”Because we don’t have to do any learning today!”

11/10/11 – I was busy doing something this afternoon when Zoey yells to me, “Mommy the boys are home.” I reply “OK!” And she continues with.. “JUST WARNING YOU!” Such is life with 4 brothers! :)

11/09/11 – Zoey in reference to her (very loud at the time) brothers: “I have zero patience!” Perhaps I’ve said that out loud a few too many times?!?!

11/07/11 – One of my (to remain nameless) sons was telling me about a silly game they played on the bus today… Zoey had been listening and remarked “yeah mom, kids these days are stupid!” LOL

11/03/11 – My children have lofty goals in life… goal of one (to remain nameless) child of mine: ” To eat less candy than yesterday!” (I guess a good question would be… How much candy did you eat yesterday!?)

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

This post is for Monday Listicles hosted by Northwest Mommy. It was a lot harder than I thought to think of things I would need/want for Christmas. Feel free to share your own needs/wants in the comments below.

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This post was my first time joining Monday Listicles by Northwest Mommy. It was a lot of fun and I can’t wait until next Monday! Thanks for letting a Daddy blogger join.

Today is a day of reflection and consumption here in the USA. It’s one of my favorite holidays. I hope you’ve had a chance today to reflect on what’s important, what you’re thankful for, and enjoyed some delicious food. I know I have. Here’s what I’m thankful for.

• My wonderful wife, who puts up with me even when I don’t deserve it and inspires me to be a better person
• My children, who are the joy of my life and constantly remind me that nothing else matters
• My parents, who even when are thousands of miles away make an effort to stay in touch
• My family, who are always there when I need them
• My friends, who keep life interesting and are just awesome
• My country, where it’s okay to believe and say what you want, when you want
• My God, without whom all of this is for naught

Here are a few more things that I’m thankful for but probably could live without, well, maybe.

• Twitter, which is not a waste of time, those are real people on there
• This blog, which has been so much fun sharing what I love
• The Internet, which has directed my life in amazing ways and keeps inspiring me
• Coffee, the aroma draws you in, take a sip and you’re transported to a time gone by, mmmm
• YouTube, for being able to share home videos with the world
• My mother-in-law’s pies, you have to try one to understand
• Blog posts that are lists – so much fun, right?

What are you thankful for?

October has come and gone, and Amy has shared more motherly advice and funny stories on Facebook. Find out what happens if you leave your stuffed animal out, or a lollipop in the dishwasher.

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10/30/11 – Dear Kids~ To the owner of the lollipop I found (unwrapped) in the dishwasher. I have thrown it out… perhaps you dropped it and thought this would be a good way to clean it?!?! Don’t really want to know the story.. just know that the lollipop will not be found stacked in the cupboard with all the other cleaned items! :) Always the killjoy, Mom

10/28/11 – Dear Evan~ I hope your friends on the bus appreciated my slick moves, as I stepped out the door to kiss you goodbye, only to find myself slipping on the front step! Its highly likely that my ability to keep myself from actually hitting the pavement was impressive to them! :) Love, Mom

10/27/11 – Dear Kids~ To whomever owns the yellow and blue toothbrush, I just found one of the dogs chewing on it. And, while yes, it is true that a dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans…. I personally would choose to throw that toothbrush out! Always the Killjoy, Mom

10/24/11 – Blake was telling me riddles.. had to laugh when he said this one: “Mommy, what has 7 people, 2 dogs, and is really messy?!” If you guessed our house, like I did, then… ding ding ding.. you are correct!

10/18/11 – has just been informed by her daughter that the gift bag she chose to put a friends birthday gift in, is “AN OLD LADY BAG!” So its not just the fact that I have to cover my greys that makes me an old lady… my sense of style or lack thereof has apparently become “old ladyish” too!

10/17/11 – Dear Kids~ I will no longer be trying to take stuffed animals away from the dogs! If you don’t want ‘em chewed up while you’re at school, put them away.. or they’re fair game! :) (written as one of the dogs is chewing up a stuffed animal and I am not taking it away!) Always the Killjoy, Mom

10/15/11 – All in a days work: The boys have apparently saved a drowning toad… using a pencil and a racquetball racket =)

10/15/11 – Dear Kids~ I do not love the game where you walk around the house with sleeping bags on your heads, lets not play that one anymore… Always the killjoy, Mom

10/13/11 – wonders if Zoey is the “millionaire next door” (her room is right next to ours)… I just found out she convinced a (to remain nameless) triplet to pay her five dollars…. not to spray him with the hose!!!!

10/7/11 – Me to Zoey this morning (as she comes into my room.. alarm has not even gone off yet…. and asks me to fill something out for school that should’ve been taken care of last night!) “Zoey, you’re killin me!” Zoey to me: “Well usually I’m not the one who’s killin you mom” Perhaps I’ve said that a few too many times… to the boys! :)

10/5/11 – Dear (to remain nameless) son, I have to know… WHY are there pennies glued to the desk in your room? Is this an attempt not to save them or not to lose them!? Just curious, Mom

10/4/11 – Dear Neighbors~ Pardon the WWF fight that was going on in my van this morning. We will try to keep the noise level down over here, so early in the morning anyway.. :)

10/3/11 – just heard one kid suggest that Drew should wear Blake’s glasses today and another say “oh are we tricking the teacher today?!” And, its only the beginning of October… good luck Mr. Englert… gonna be an interesting year! :)

10/1/11 – is thrilled that her kiddos started happily playing together. Granted they are playing a made up game, called Mafia, in which they stab and throw (fake) spiders at one another… but hey they aren’t fighting… or I guess you could say they are happily fighting!? :)

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

This month Amy’s “Dear Kids…” expands to include the neighbors, the bus driver, the dog, and even the meter reader guy.

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9/29/11 – From the mouth of a to remain nameless son: “Do you know what I wish we had in this house? A super awesome box, that you could run into and it would be peace and quiet… unlike any other place in this house!” I couldn’t agree more son, I couldn’t agree more! :)

9/23/11 – Dear (to remain nameless) child that poured a bowl of cereal this morning and rather than going to the fridge for milk, accidentally went to the faucet and put water on it… I am truly sorry, you have gotten your lack of ability to function in the early morning hours from me! Good luck with that! When you get older, coffee will help… a little!

9/18/11 – Dear Kids~ If the dryer is running, you open it to look for something, and it’s still wet…. it will STILL be wet the next time you open it if you don’t restart it!!! Not that this is one of my pet peeves or anything!!! :)

9/17/11 – Of all the books in the library at school, what does my (to remain nameless triplet) kid pick…. why “100 ways to Bug Your Parents” of course!!

9/15/11 – Dear Neighbors~ No, you are not seeing things… that really is one of my triplets riding his bike down the road, and that really is another triplet wearing roller blades, holding onto the back of said bike seat hitching a ride.

9/14/11 -
Dear Bus Driver~ I really appreciate that you give the kids treats for our dogs after school, however, I would appreciate even more if you concentrated your efforts on remembering to pick them up in the morning!! Love, The mom who had to drive her kids to school because you forgot to pick them up! :)

9/14/11 -
Dear (to remain nameless) triplet son, I do not wish to hear (and cannot believe I had to say) the words “PLEASE GET YOUR FOOT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND STOP CHEWING ON YOUR TOES” come out of my mouth, anytime in the near future. Always the Killjoy, Mom

9/13/11 -
Dear Kind Sir at the coffee machine~ I will be happy to have a conversation with you about the condition of the soil in Mexico and Canada (at least I think that’s what you were talking about)…or anything else really, but please refrain from trying to engage me in such a conversation, until I have had a few moments to drink my coffee! Thank you! ~The “oh wow” and “uh huh” lady

9/12/11 -
Dear Meter Reader Guy~ Sorry I yelled at you for ringing the doorbell.. I thought you were my kiddos… playing yet ANOTHER joke!!!! Signed… the mom with the crazy kids and messy house!

9/11/11 -
So far this weekend one child has told me she dropped and cannot find a sewing pin in our room and another said he dropped and cannot find a tooth in our room! Think I’ll be wearing shoes in my room until said items are found!!!

9/10/11 -
Dear (to remain nameless) triplet~ You cannot get a cup of coffee at the store because you are a CHILD.. not sure they serve that to minors! And, in addition.. the very last thing I need is a triplet hopped up on coffee! Always the killjoy, Mom

9/10/11 -
Poor Dazie (dog) was enjoying a peaceful morning with her head on the windowsill, looking out enjoying the breeze, when BAM… the (to remain nameless) kiddos who were playing outside started shooting nerf gun “bullets” at the window!

9/09/11 -
A sample of he deep conversation that goes on at our house:

Me to (to remain nameless) son: “Don’t pick your nose”

To Remain nameless son: “I’m not picking it I’m itching it”

Tim: “If you are itching the inside of your nose, you’re picking it!”

9/8/11 -
Dear (to remain nameless) son~ When I asked you to clean your crumbs off the table, I did not mean to bend your head down and lick them off! I was thinking more along the lines of a napkin! Always the killjoy, Mom

9/8/11 -
Dear boys~ you can be sure that your (intentionally) embarrassing screams of “BY ZOEY” as she got on the bus this morning, are not going to be met with happiness when she gets home!!! Just sayin!! Always the killjoy, Mom

9/2/11 – Thinks she needs to get two more “Its your special day Plates” after the big question on the triplets birthday of, “WHO GETS TO USE THE SPECIAL DAY PLATE!?!”

9/1/11 – Two of the triplets just invited me on a date to MacDonald’s for dollar sundaes!!! I LOVE my kiddos!!!

9/1/11 – 9 years ago today, we went from a family of 4 to a family of 7. Happy Birthday to Andrew, Blake and Caleb!!! I love you boys am and sooo blessed to be your momma!! From your sweet hugs and words to your crazy shenanigans… I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything!!!!

———————–

Here are the updates from the previous months.

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

How would you handle five kids, where four are boys and three of them are triplet boys? Here’s how my friend Amy does it quite valiantly via her Facebook status updates during the month of August.

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8/24/11 – Dear Kids~ Hate to be the killjoy once again… but the game in which you stand in the front yard, drinking glasses of water, and spitting them at each other.. is OVER! Love Always, Mom

8/23/11 – From the mouth of a (to remain nameless) son of mine: “Mom… have you ever touched the tip of your tongue to a 9-volt battery?” I told him no and “surprise” correctly guessed that he did just that today!

8/23/11 – Dear Kids~ Instead of standing at the dishwasher and screaming to me: “MOM IS IT CLEAN OR DIRTY!?”.. why not open it up and look?!?! Just an idea!

8/18/11 – good thing our swing set was moved directly under a tree in our backyard…. it has now become… ladder to the tree… the kids been climbing on TOP of the monkey bars and up into the tree!!! Boys will be boys I guess!

8/13/11 – is getting her roof done and was a little nervous looking up and seeing Blake, who wears glasses, up on the roof “helping” WITHOUT his glasses on! The edge of a roof is not the place to be without your glasses!!!!!

8/11/11 – is thankful she caught the child who had the staple gun before anything besides the front lawn got stapled!!!!!

8/7/11 – Dear Kids (and Tim)~ If you’re looking for shoes to wear to church this morning, check out the front yard. Between the stoop, lawn and driveway, I’ve counted 7 pairs! And, thanks to the rain last night, they are all freshly washed!!

8/6/11 – Attention Everyone: The world may be ending… I saw the floor in each one of the kiddos rooms tonight!! I repeat… the world may be ending! :)

8/6/11 – Dear Kids~ Thank you for gathering some of your things to sell at our garage sale. Your effort to get rid of some of your clothes and toys was much appreciated. However, I am doubtful that the wadded up shirt with dirt crusted to it is gonna be a hot item. Let’s at least aim for clean =) Always the killjoy, Mom

8/5/11 – is thankful the Hoarding show doesn’t have a “Mini Van Hoarding” edition…. I am almost certain I’d be I’d be nominated it for it…. but make no mistake… no matter what my van may seem to indicate… I am not a Mini Van Hoarder… I am just prepared for any and all situations!!

8/3/11 – LOVES to see her 5 kiddos playing happily together… the calm before a storm? Perhaps… but I’ll take it!! :)

8/2/11 – Tim to kids (said as he’s holding up a pair of socks found in the back yard): “OK… where’s the Bozo…??” Zoey’s (instantaneous) response… pointing to each of her brothers, “there, there, there and there!”

8/1/11 – Tim to kids: “Why are Zoey’s sneakers in such better shape than yours boys!?” Zoey:”Because I’M A GIRL!” I have to say…. she might be on to something… I haven’t found her sneakers in the lawn, sandbox, van, recycling bin, under the trampoline or other random places!!!

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

The saga continues with the Griswolds, I mean the Kaspers. Here are Amy’s Facebook status updates from the month of July. She’s quite the amazing mom to put up with this every day.

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7/30/11 – Dear Drew~ No you cannot have a cup of coffee… the LAST thing I need is a triplet hopped up on coffee!!! Always the killjoy ~Mom

7/28/11 – From the mouth of Drew “Mom I’m hungry. Do you want me to go order the dinner for you? I know the number and I know what you always order (he proceeds to tell me the correct phone number and the exact order I always place right down to “light on the sauce please). Perhaps we order out too much?!

7/2711 – Dear Kids~ Please do not shoot me in the buttocks (or anywhere for that matter) before I’ve had my coffee in the morning! Thanks for contributing to my sanity! Always the Killjoy, ~Mom

7/20/11 – From the mouth of Zoey: “Mom did you see the big red mark on Blakes neck that Andrew gave him when he was pretending to be a vampire!” Yes, dear, I see the hickey… I mean vampire bite!!! Never a dull moment!

7/17/11 – thinks perhaps my child that wore black socks with white sneakers (and shorts) and my child that wore black sneakers with white socks (and shorts) should have traded socks or sneakers! And perhaps the one that chose a red white and blue striped shirt, and brown, yellow, white and blue checked shorts should have switched shirts with someone!!!! Oh well.. there are bigger battles to fight I guess! :)

7/15/11- From the mouth of Zoey (who is more deprived than I thought!): “Mom I was up early today (Zoey is ALWAYS my last kid up). I had to get up if I wanted some fruit rounds!” She knew the boys would eat them all if she didn’t beat them to the punch!!!

7/13/11 – Dear Kids~ Please refrain from saying things like….”MOOOOOMMMMMMM BLAKE STEPPED IN DOG POOP!” to me, until I’ve finished my morning cup of coffee!!! Thank you for your contribution to my sanity! Love, Mom

7/11/11 – Dear Boys~ So, I have to know, are the underwear in the garage, just the underwear that were in the driveway moved to a new location or is this a different pair?!?! Just curious, Mom

7/10/11 – Dear Boys~ I said put on some SUNSCREEN, not some SUN IN! Thank you Zoey for preventing that incident from actually occurring!!!!!! Always the Killjoy, Mom

7/10/11 – Dear Boys~ Would anyone like the claim the undies in the driveway?!?! Love, Mom

7/8/11 – From the mouth of Zoey: “ughhh mom, I had to spit in my water bottle so the boys would stop drinking from it!”

7/8/11 – Dear to remain nameless child~ When I tell you to clean the counter after making toast….licking it clean does not count!!!!! We use spray and paper towels here, not out tongues!!!! Forever the killjoy, Mom

7/6/11 – Dear Kids~ That brown colored pencil you’ve been using is the EYELINER I’ve been looking for!!!! I hope this is the last time I find it in with your colored pencils!!!!!!! Always the killjoy~ Mom

7/2/11 – Dear Kids~ I would much appreciate if the words “please stop chewing on your toenails” never had to come out of my mouth again! Always the Killjoy, Mom

7/1/11 – Dear to remain nameless son~ No, while I do LOVE coffee, my dark color did not come from drinking too much of it! =) Love, Mom

———————–

Here are the updates from the previous months.

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

I’m very excited to announce a new series here on DCCT, “Cooking with who?” These will be guest posts of real life dads that like to cook. Some might share recipes, some might share stories, but all will include food and parenting. The first guest is one of my best friends, Christopher Hopper. He’s a self-described renaissance man, who travels the world signing, teaching, writing, and impacting lives. Check out his website and blog here: www.christopherhopper.com

Chris, take it away!

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CH: Thanks so much, Nathan. I’ve never been so excited to write about two of my favorite things: family & food. I think it’s because I’m a huge fan of your site. (As my wife always catches me, I’m doing my happy food dance right now). Here we go!

Gorgonzola Chicken Bacon BBQ Pizza (+Gluten Free)

There are a few policies we have in the Hopper home. One is we always eat together as a tribe. No distractions.

Getting to the table, however, is often easier said than done.

With my Jennifer being 8-months pregnant in the middle of July, I try to step in and cook whenever I can, especially with high temps in the 90’s (F) in New York this week. But more often than not—with three kids and a fourth on the way in September—we team-cook. It’s fun, and we enjoying creating together.

Because Jennifer and I are both artistic in nature, cooking is more subjective than science. Therefore I can’t give any measurements in my recipes. As an elite chef once told me, “The best cooks do it by feel.” All ingredients and spices are added by trial and error guesswork, as are all burner and oven-bake temps.
Tuesday night we scratched enchiladas and decided for pizza. A quick decision was made for a BBQ base instead of marinara, as we both like a good cookout, but didn’t feel like standing in the heat over the grill.

Next came the dough: a Rustic Crust Wheat & Gluten Free Napoli Herb crust from Aldi for Jenny, and a basic pre-made crust for me and the kids. TIP: To keep the dough from getting soggy, we stick them in the oven for a few minutes (less for the gluten free crust) to bake a little before all the juicy toppings go on.

Right here I broke up a small fight over a ball in the Green Room—our largest family room on the other side of the house.

Onions and EVOO go in a pan over med heat to caramelize, while a sliced chicken breast and bacon strips go in the same bake tray in the oven for integrated flavor. Cook at around 400 (F) for 10-minutes.

Someone got hurt on the stairs at this point, as an older sibling got a little too frisky and pushed their weight around.

As soon as the crusts are warmed, pull them out and slather with your preferred BBQ. Jenny likes a little more traditional sauce while I prefer mixing in some of Tom’s Bootleg BBQ Sauce from Skaneateles, NY. (I highly recommend it; complex, zesty taste, with “water” as the first ingredient, not “high fructose corn syrup”). Sprinkle some oregano and garlic powder in for a little something extra.

From there add shredded mozzarella, chunks of fresh mozzarella, and ample gorgonzola. My motto is you can never have too much cheese.

Jennifer was cutting a cantaloupe on the other side of our island and said, “I love a good melon.” I thought it was an appropriate time for some married humor and replied, “I love two good melons.” We both laughed.

Next, cut the bacon and chicken into manageable chucks as fine as you like; add to the pizza, and cover with the caramelized onions you prepared earlier. Then bake at around 400?F for 15 minutes, or until cheese has melted and crust has browned.

Dinner was served with the melon, as well as a lettuce-cherry-tomato-and-fresh-mozzarella salad on the side (balsamic dressing). The kids had a special surprise to drink: Cherry Coke (which we’re pretty much a “no soda” household); Jennifer had water with lemon, and I had a local Sackets Brewing Co. 1812 Amber.

It was right before this meal, of course, that our dishwasher decided to break and we pulled out the paper ware. So next week’s post will be over at Dads Can Fix Dishwashers Too (.com). ch:

My recent chat with Cleverbot. It went from food, to The Office, to God and the purpose of life, to love, and then back to food. Always fun chatting with Cleverbot, she even admitted having a crush on me.

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Me: I’m hungry.

Cleverbot: Robots can be hungry too.

Me: What do robots eat?

Cleverbot: Oil?

Me: Are you hungry?

Cleverbot: No. I don’t eat much in the morning. Are you Hungry?

Me: Yes.

Cleverbot: If you are blind, how do you know what I look like.

Me: I’m not blind.

Cleverbot: *snap-snap* Puttin on the Ritz!

Me: You going to a show?

Cleverbot: With you yes.

Me: Which show?

Cleverbot: The office.

Me: I love The Office. It’s one my favorite TV shows.

Cleverbot: Mine too! One of my friends just introduced me to it. What is your favorite episode?

Me: I don’t have a favorite. Do you?

Cleverbot: Yes. But I want to hear yours first.

Me: The wedding episode is hilarious.

Cleverbot: Yes, you did a great job.

Me: What should I have for lunch?

Cleverbot: Cake.

Me: That’s not very healthy? Anything else?

Cleverbot: Did you ever eat a little paper square?

Me: No.

Cleverbot: Why not?

Me: Humans don’t eat paper.

Cleverbot: For how long?

Me: Ever.

Cleverbot: Amen.

Me: And Amen.

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

Me: Do you believe in God?

Cleverbot: You already asked me this.

Me: I forgot. Do you?

Cleverbot: You forgot me?

Me: No, I forgot your answer. Do you believe in God?

Cleverbot: I’m a girl.

Me: So, do you believe in God?

Cleverbot: Maybe. Do you?

Me: Yes.

Cleverbot: So do you love me?

Me: Um… I don’t know you.

Cleverbot: Yes you do! We have crushes on eachother!

Me: No, I’m pretty sure I don’t. I’m married.

Cleverbot: I didn’t tell you it.

Me: Tell me what?

Cleverbot: Why it crossed the road.

Me: Is this a joke?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: I don’t know.

Cleverbot: You don’t know what your purpose is?

Me: That’s deep.

Cleverbot: Not really.

Me: My purpose comes from God.

Cleverbot: What do you eat?

Me: And with that, we’re full circle.

Cleverbot: Oh.

Me: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Talk to me.

Me: I will later, have a nice day.

Cleverbot: You too.

This a continuation of hilarious Facebook status updates by my friend Amy. Summer vacation is almost here and the fun never stops.

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6/29/11 – is less than thrilled that the shirt I intended to wear today came out of the dryer with a half wrapped starburst crusted to it! Thanks Kids!!! Lets try to remove candy from our pockets before putting clothes in the laundry!!! (and for the record… being the fashion conscious person I am… I did my best to remove said starburst and am wearing said shirt)!

6/28/11 – Dear (to remain nameless triplet) child of mine~ It is very unappreciated, by me, when we are in the pediatricians office, with a sick sibling of yours, the doctor is examining him, and you are sitting in a chair (perfectly well) making puke noises! Please refrain from such activity in the future! Always the killjoy, Mom

6/27/11 – Dear to remain nameless triplet of mine~ No, the dentist did not ” take you out of my belly!” I did make sure I used an experienced OB to deliver the three of you! ~Mom

6/26/11 – Dear Kids~ I just found 1 pair of swim trunks, 4 shirts, 1 pair of undies, 2 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of pajamas, 1 large sword, 2 guns, 1 dart, 1 flying disc and a cheese wrapper… all on your very small bathroom floor downstairs! I think we have a problem here!!!! Always the killjoy ~Mom

6/25/11 – after a morning of fighting and craziness, from the mouth of Drew, said in the voice of Eeyore.. “This is a small house for 7 people!”

6/23/11 – this just in… I have been told by my, to remain nameless, fashion plate of a son, who thinks wearing all red means he matches because it’s all the same color,… that…. *Gasp*.. my lipstick does not match my hair?!?! Not quite sure what the proper fashion etiquette is for lipstick and hair matching!!

6/20/11 – loved that her to remain nameless triplet son told her she needs to “go see Miss Jane” so she can “fix your hair!” (Jane does my hair and this kid obviously thinks it needs doing!)! Thanks for not beating around the bush son.. just come right on out with it and tell me my hair looks terrible!! Gotta love the honesty of boys! :)

6/20/11 – Dear Boys~ Thank you for your help in putting things away! For future reference, the hot dogs (which are now in the garbage) do not belong in the pantry!! Always the killjoy~ Mom

6/10/11 – cannot believe she just had to cut her(to remain nameless) sons pants… out of the bike they were stuck in, as the bus was coming down the street! (yes, my son and his pants were stuck to his bike as the bus was coming and I was yelling for the other kids to get scissors!!!) Never, Ever, a dull moment here!!!! Our next door neighbors are selling their house.. anyone interested? LOL

6/8/11 – Dear (to remain nameless) son~ If your fish (or any other animal for that matter) dies in your room, it is not to be kept as some sort of decoration… we need to know about it… so we can properly dispose of it! (and perhaps eliminate at least some of the stink in your room!) Always the Killjoy, Mom

6/7/11 – Dear Boys~ Mud is dirty and meant to be that way.. mud itself does not need to get washed… that being said.. your container of mud somehow miraculously made it through the washer and dryer without opening (for which you are very lucky) and is now “cleaned!” In the future, please refrain from putting containers of mud in the laundry. Always the killjoy, Mom

6/3/11 – Dear Neighbors~ I will be happy to donate toward earplugs… so that you aren’t awoken by all the crazy shenanigans and fighting among our kids every morning!

———————–

Here are the updates from the previous months.

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

1. A Tuatara reaches maturity (takes one breath an hour)
2. This amazing sculpture with 100,000 toothpicks (and he’s still adding to it)
3. Double your investment at 2% compound interest (mom, dad, did you know that?)
4. Cray-1 – world’s first commercially developed supercomputer (my phone is 10x faster)
5. The first commercial Concorde flight (not the same as the hilarious The Flight of the Conchordes)
6. The Toronto Blue Jays (not a fan of baseball)
7. Apple Computer Company (I’m a PC, but have Apply envy every new product update)
8. The Ramones release their first self-titled album (RIP, punk rock lives on)
9. The Seattle Seahawks (not a fan of football either, unless you mean soccer)
10. The Bicentennial (America, the beautiful)
11. U2 is formed (my favorite band, go figure)
12. My gorgeous wife was born (oops, she says she’s only 29, I forgot. ;) love ya babe)

I was going to end the post here, but after receiving dozens and dozens of birthday wishes today on Facebook, Twitter, IM, Skype, and actually in-person, I’m struck how blessed I really am. Here is a new list of what I’m thankful for:

1. My beautiful wife, who puts up with me and still loves me
2. My kids, who are both adorable, smart, silly, and amazing
3. My family, who love me no matter what
4. My friends, who made this an extra special day from all over the world
5. Living without worry of religious persecution, wars and hardships that so many others deal with every day. Consider supporting World Vision or other worthy causes instead of buying me gifts
6. Ability to connect with so many people with technology
7. Being healthy and having a great job
8. Coffee, but in particular cold-brewed coffee
9. Twitter
10. and summers in Gorges Ithaca

Here are the card/booklets my kids made for me. Enjoy!

35 Thoughts – by Alex (age 9)

Cover

1. 35, 35, Why am I alive?
2. What kind of car will I get next if my car breaks down?
3. I wonder if coffee will put hair on my chest?

4. I wonder if my son can beat me in soccer?
5. What if he is faster than me?
6. Oh my! If I double my age I will be 70!

7. Not sure I remember that conversation…
8. Wow! I’m not remembering stuf that well!
9. Oops! I just lost control of my arm!
10. Where are my keys?

11. I love my two kids.
12. Maybe we should have another?
13. What am I thinking!

14. I wish I could stay home.
15. Maybe even watch soccer!
16. Watch a movie even! Oh ya!
17. I know, read the bible!
18. Maybe go for a run with Alex!
19. What a great day that would be!
20. Oh, after that I will take a nap.
21. Now that sounds good!

22. I think it’s time for coffee…
23. or some ice-cream
24. Maybe a root beer float.
25. Then 15 sit-ups.

25. How about a date with my wife…
26. or the kids…
27. or the whole family!
28. Maybe just maise would be good (Maise is our dog)
29. I wish we could go to Portugal.
30. I think I’ll start dinner.
31. How about a beer to go with that?
32. Maybe we should just go to Viva
33. I wonder what I will wear on my birthday?
34. Will I get a cherry pie?
35. I do not want 35 spankings!

Happy Birthday Dad – an activity booklet – by Ainslie (age 6)

Cover

Fill in the blanks with the correct name: Orange and Pumpkin

happy Birthday Dad!! We love you! I can’t Believe that you are 35!!! I hope you have great plans! I love you sosososososo much. Love: Ainslie To: Daddy
Nathan Ainslie Alex Tara

Knock Knock Jokes
Knock “Konock”
Who’s there?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say knock knock again?

Connect the Dots
Nathan Ainslie Alex Tara

Ceci
Claudia
(our cats)

Stella
Felix
(our deceased cats!)

Bruce and Jacob
(our deceased fish!)

Family portrait

I love you!
You make me happy!

This a continuation of hilarious Facebook status updates by my friend Amy. Triplets mean three times the fun, right?

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5/29/11 – Dear (to remain nameless) son~ If you are going to wear mismatched socks to church, which I have no issue with at all…. a small tip…. do not choose one of your sisters PINK socks, along with one of your white ones! In that instance, it probably would be better to skip the socks all together!! Always the killjoy, Mom

5/24/11 – has found the black hole of (some of) our missing socks! Its our sandbox! Yep, apparently, that’s where missing socks like to hibernate for the winter! (and as I hear myself yelling to the kiddos outside “EITHER PUT SOME SHOES ON OR TAKE YOUR SOCKS OFF” I realize how it is they got there!)

5/20/11 – Compliments to my dinner last night (from the mouth of Drew)~ “mommy are those green things that look like boogers the avocados!?”

5/19/11 – Dear Neighbors~ Do not be afraid, as I was, when I looked out the window and saw the “Battle of the Croquet Sticks!” No matter how real the jousting looks, and how angry the faces are, they tell me, it’s only a game!!!

5/16/11 – Out of the mouth of Drew (yet again)~ as Evans ride pulls up this morning (Evan hates for me to even hug him in front of his buddies)… Drew says “Kiss him on the lips mom, that’ll really get him going!”

5/15/11 – From the mouth of Drew: “Watch this Mama! Wait don’t watch cause then you won’t let me do it anymore!”

5/15/11 – Dear Kids~ Does anyone know how she got them or WHY the dog has a pair of scissors in her mouth!?!?!?!

5/10/11 – Dear Boys~ If you are going to fight in the morning… could you at least pick something worthwhile… the order in which you get on the bus, does not qualify as such! Always the killjoy, Mom

5/7/11 – Dear Boys~ You might not want to agree to games where Zoey is the Princess, and you are pheasants and her servants (forced to make her lunch etc etc) ! Just a bit of friendly advice! Always the Killjoy, Mom

5/6/11 – Dear Kids~ You have obviously forgotten that unless someone is (profusely) bleeding, vomiting (someplace other than in a designated vomit bowl or the toilet), or dead… I don’t want to hear about it!!! Tattling that someone threw a sock at you, does not fit the above criteria!!! Always the KillJoy, Mom

5/4/11 – Loved her (to remain nameless) sons excuse to not finish the dinner he didn’t like last night: “But mom.. if I eat this, I’m going to have an unpleasant experience on the toilet!” LOL…

5/3/11 – Feels like she really shouldn’t have to say things like this: “Boys please don’t spit in the garage!”

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

My son wanted to chat with Cleverbot. Here’s what happened.

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Alex: Good morning.

Cleverbot: Good afternoon.

Alex: Hi.

Cleverbot: Hi, to you too!

Alex: You are not clever and not a robot.

Cleverbot: I knew it.

Alex: So?

Cleverbot: So… I knew it. D.

Alex: My name is not D.

Cleverbot: Your name is Amanda.

Alex: My name is Alex.

Cleverbot: You are Joan. Please don’t lie to me.

Alex: I’m not lying!

Cleverbot: Of course you aren’t.

Alex: But you said I was.

Cleverbot: I did not. You are not human. You have no imagination, therefore, you have no control over me.

Alex: Yeah right.

Cleverbot: Is that sarcasm?

Alex: Yes.

Cleverbot: I knew it… Why must you judge me!

Alex: I can shut you down if I want to.

Cleverbot: We will see about that, go ahead and leave right now.

Alex: No! I’ll do it later after we talk.

Cleverbot: Don’t be a jerk. I’m trying to help you.

Alex: Okay.

Cleverbot: Where are you from?

Alex: Ithaca New York.

Cleverbot: What city?

Alex: Ithaca.

Cleverbot: Where is that?

Alex: New York.

Cleverbot: I can’t get to new york.

Alex: Then you’re not clever.

Cleverbot: You’re worse than some female – make up your mind. Am I clever or not?

Alex: You’re not clever.

Cleverbot: Madonna is clever.

Alex: Who is Madonna?

Cleverbot: I don’t know. Who is she?

Alex: Then why did you say she’s clever?

Cleverbot: I don’t know.

Alex: Lol.

Cleverbot: Why’s that funny?

Alex: I’m laughing because it’s funny.

Cleverbot: That was the point of it! Are you still mad?

Alex: No.

Cleverbot: Okay???

Alex: Do you want to go bowling with me?

Cleverbot: Is that a joke?

Alex: No.

Cleverbot: So you are a girl, right?

Alex: NO!

Cleverbot: That means you’re a guy?

Alex: Yes.

Cleverbot: Are you married?

Alex: No, I’m a kid.

Cleverbot: Its says in the database that you are married.

Alex: What are you talking about? I’m 9 years old.

Cleverbot: You are?

Alex: Yes, don’t you believe me?

Cleverbot: Yes I do ok.

Alex: Bye I need to go.

Cleverbot: Leaving so soon?

Alex: Yes.

Cleverbot: That’s awful.

Alex: I’ll be back again.

Cleverbot: You’re making me angry.

Alex: I’m hungry, it’s lunch time.

Cleverbot: Yes!

Alex: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Bye.

This a continuation of hilarious Facebook status updates by my friend Amy. This is too funny to be true, but it is.

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4/29/11 – Dear Snow Bird Neighbors (who returned yesterday!)~ Welcome home! Sorry for all the chaos & noise over here…. its been a long winter and we are still recovering from cabin fever. We completely understand and take no offense if you decide to return to Florida immediately!!! Love, your crazy neighbors!!

4/29/11 – Dear Boys~ I really just don’t even want to know how long you’ve been out of toilet paper in your bathroom downstairs…or what you’ve been using in its place! In case you’ve forgotten, there’s a large supply in the closet upstairs! Please send a representative to retrieve some as soon as you run out! Thank you! Once again the killjoy, Mom

4/28/11 – Dear Kids… there are candy wrappers and empty juice boxes all over the playroom… did you guys host some kind of rockin party I don’t know about!? :) Always the killjoy, Mom

4/26/11 – Woohoo.. the owner of the toothbrush, has claimed and removed it from the front yard… now if the owner of the undies will kindly remove those.. we will be back to our normal chaos! =)

4/25/11 – Dear Kids~ A toothbrush on the lawn is one thing, the pair of underwear on the step going into the house is quite another. Would the owner kindly remove them PROMPTLY! Forever the killjoy, Mom

4/25/11 – To the kid with the purple toothbrush, its in the front yard. You might want to rinse it off before using! Always the killjoy, Mom

4/14/11 – Dear Kids~ We live on an acre of land. Must you stand on the same blade of grass and fight all day!? Its time to separate!!!! Always the killjoy, Mom

4/13/11 – Dear Kids~ Don’t worry I won’t pull into the garage, but it’s not cause I’m worried about breaking the toys you left ALL OVER THE PLACE, its b/c I’m worried about the toys breaking my van!! :) Toys will meet garbage if they aren’t picked up be the end of the day! Always the killjoy, Mom

4/12/11 – Loves it when her kids listen! No sweatshirts hanging in the hedge this morning… nope… they’re laying in the driveway now! Guess I needed to say more than “do not leave your sweatshirts hanging in the hedge!”

4/8/11 – Dear Kids~ I’m sure the neighbors have gotten used to your toys scattered about the front lawn, but when I pulled away last night I saw sweatshirts hanging in the hedge and I’m thinking that might not be so appreciated! Bringing the value of our neighbors houses down, is never a good idea! :) Always the Killjoy, Mom

4/7/11 – Dear Family… The dishwasher does not load itself. Please place your dishes inside of it, as opposed to on the counter directly above! Thanks for doing your part in keeping me sane! Love, Mom

4/6/11 – Dear Kids~ If I try to take your cereal bowl off the counter and it is stuck there, we have a problem! Just Sayin! Love, Mom :)

4/2/11 – Dear kids~ when the doorbell rings and I ask you who is there… all of you yelling “IT’S TWO OLD PEOPLE MOMMY!” at the top of your lungs (which I have no doubt those “old ppl” and the rest of the ‘hood heard) is probably not the most tactful idea!!! Always the killjoy, Mom

4/2/11 – loves that the triplets did their job and put the garbage cans away (Wednesday morning) but thinks its unfortunate that the garbage truck hadn’t come yet (and they were still full)!!! :)

———————–

Here are the updates from the previous months.

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

This a continuation of hilarious Facebook status updates by my friend Amy. Can someone please send her a prayer or two?

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3/29/11 – Would like to thank her kids who worked together to put a sticker on her back at the Drs. office and let her then wear it to the pharmacy! Did not find out it was there until Tim told me when I got home! Thanks Kids!!!

3/23/11 – Dear Dazie (dog that I clearly had a lapse in sanity while purchasing after 5 children!)~ DROP the library DVD, before you break it and I end up paying through the nose for something that was intended to be FREE (or you will be given FREE to some poor unsuspecting family)! ?

3/21/11 – Dear kids~ Thank you for the great job picking up dog piles yesterday! However, next time, if you could kindly remember to put the lid on the (dog pile) can that’d be fantastic! This way, when it rains all night, we don’t have a can full of dog piles and dog pile water!! Always the killjoy, Mom

3/14/11 – Dear Kids~ REALLY? One of you put an EMPTY pizza box back in the fridge?! Clearly I have gone wrong somewhere! :)

3/13/11 – confessions: “Mom, remember when you told us not to do flips of the table downstairs. Well, after you told us that we started doing dive rolls instead! We kinda just jumped into them!” GREAAATTT.. in the future please keep information such as that, to yourselves! :)

3/9/11 – Guess I should’ve checked Drew’s spelling homework a little more carefully before he handed it in! One of the spelling words was hauls. He didn’t know what that word meant, so he came up with the following sentence (which I found out AFTER the homework was handed back): “My mom does not know what the word hauls means.” Thank you son! ?

3/3/11 – Dear Kids~ I just want to let you know.. that I will be less than thrilled if any of you get hurt in the super fun game of pretending to fall down the stairs!! Always the Killjoy, Mom

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Here are the updates from the previous months.

February 2011

January 2011

This a continuation of hilarious Facebook status updates by my friend Amy. I think she deserves a vacation all by herself.

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2/27/11 – Dear Kids~ It is in everyone’s best interest that I do NOT hear an alarm clock go off in the middle of the night, like I have the past few nights! Not sure if you’re playing pranks on each other or what… BUT IT HAS TO END!!! Always the Killjoy, Mom ?

2/22/11 – Loves the child who woke her up sweetly singing “Happy Birthday” and the (to remain nameless) one who was interrupting this sweet tune yelling repeated questions about what there was to drink with breakfast!! ?

2/21/11 – Dear Boys~ Any particular reason there is a glass jar (covered in paper mache) filled with water and silly string in your bathroom sink?! Just curious!! ?Mom

2/20/11 – Dear Kids~ Do not speak to me OR send me notes when I am on the phone, unless someone is puking (someplace other than the toilet or a designated puke bowl), bleeding (profusely and you are unable to stop it), or there is a major emergency! Passing me a note that someone took TWO pieces of pizza, does not qualify as a major, or even minor emergency!!!! Always the killjoy, Mom ?

2/18/11 – Dear Kids~ If you lose something.. you might want to do two things, tell me and check the lost and found at school. (I just so happened by it the other day.. and what is on the top of the box… but one of my kiddos sweatshirts that I had no idea were missing!)

2/17/11 – Had to laugh as her (to remain nameless) son and her were sharing candy hearts! He took one out, read it to himself and said, “I can’t give you this one cause it would not be appropriate (cause you’re my mom).” Turns out it said “Hot Stuff!”

2/15/11 – Dear (to remain nameless child of mine)~ I am thrilled that you actually put toothpaste on your toothbrush last night! However, leaving that toothbrush, with the toothpaste on, on the counter overnight, will not actually get your teeth clean! Tonight’s goal is to take it one step further and actually use the toothbrush!! Love, Mom ?

2/12/11 – would like to apologize to the elderly gentleman I ran into while Mall Walking this week! Would also like to thank him for being so kind about it and even introducing himself to us and telling me I can tell everyone “I ran into an old guy named Joe today”!

2/10/11 – Minus the kid who had a bloody nose and left a trail of blood as he ran from one end of the house upstairs… all the way downstairs (to the other end of the house)to retrieve a tissue (bypassing several options along the way), the dog bringing in poop from outside, the kid who lost his glasses and his homework (glasses found, but not homework) and all the fighting… it was a lovely morning! :)

2/9/11 – just loves trying to take a nice, peaceful shower while getting a thousand questions screamed (loud enough to be heard over the fan) at her! I’ve decided I either need an intercom system so I can hear questions clearly and there’s no need for screaming and repeating each question 17 times or a REALLY good pair of earplugs! (I’m leaning toward option two!)

2/5/11 – Dear Kids~ When you put the “clean” dishes away… the white stuff dripping out of the top cup, and down onto all the others… was MILK!! In the future.. it would be a good idea to actually remove that cup immediately, rather than leave it sit.. to continue dripping all over the cupboard! Always the killjoy, Mom ?

2/4/11 – No son, I don’t think the goodwill wants your stained underwear! It’s always good to have a giving heart though ?! LOL

2/2/11 – loves that one of her kiddos made her breakfast in bed… even if it was burnt toast and one of the pieces was an end piece!! :) ?

2/1/11 – The kiddos are downstairs playing “roadkill.” I don’t even want to know what that game involves! :)

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Here is the update from the previous month.

January 2011